Bro, come on, I didn't... [ Reggie pauses. ] Like, what the hell was I supposed to say? I didn't know if it was ever gonna matter-- I was so happy to see you I just didn't wanna ruin things. Not if I didn't have to.
[ Yep. As expected... complicated, and Reggie doesn't know quite how to handle it. What the hell can he say that doesn't just sound like bullshit at this point? ]
And look, this isn't why anything happened between us. It's got nothing to do with that.
No else else! Just Nick, and that was just-- [ A pause. ] Well, and Betty, but only cuz Ronnie told her.
[ Actually Nick told her, but Reggie doesn't know that. Oh what tangled webs, etc... ]
Look, what the hell do you want me to say now? That I'm sorry? Cuz dude, like-- okay, I should've told you, but it's not like anything's still going on between us. And...
[ Part of him feels like it's really more Ronnie's decision to make than his own, her news to tell, but at the same time he doesn't love how that does look and feel like an excuse-- even to himself. ]
It's not okay just because you can't fix it now! If you had trouble saying it to me, that means it's something you should have said! You found the words for Nick!
[ Who didn't tell him either, but Archie knows Nick is considerably more loyal to Reggie. He doesn't love that, to know that others knew more about Ronnie than Archie himself, but he wouldn't expect Nick to break Reggie's trust.
Archie's own feelings are mangled, confused, mixed up. He wasn't as angry before, and now he's... a lot of things. Angry. Hurt.
Afraid. ]
Yeah, I am serious. How do I know you're not hiding anything else? Damn it! It's not like I could've been pissed. I know I ran away. And Ronnie's not somebody who'd do this to hurt me. All you had to do was be honest.
[ Well. If there's anything Reggie isn't good at, it's keeping his cool when he starts to feel cornered, and he can feel himself getting tenser and angrier (if not necessarily rationally so) the longer Archie keeps telling him off.
If he were more level-headed it probably would have never gotten to this point in the first place, but now that they're here, he can't keep up trying to be reasonable enough to calm Archie down. (Which he clearly isn't going a great job with, anyway.) ]
I only told Nick cuz-- [ An honestly spell made him spill it, actually, not that he knows that. ] Look, I didn't know how to tell you. I hadn't seen you since you disappeared off into the friggin' wilderness, Archie, why would I wanna screw that up over someone we didn't even know would ever show up here?!
What the hell else would I be hiding anyway? Like dude, how the hell do you not know by now that I'd do anything for you? I have done--
[ Reggie doesn't mean to say anything to calm Archie down, but his words do hit something inside of him.
I'd do anything for you. Archie believed it, even after what Ronnie told him. Of course he was jealous. If anyone could make him feel insecure, it's Reggie so knowing Veronica had spent time with his rival naturally shook him. Only, Reggie isn't just his rival anymore. He's become more. Archie recalls the car ride, recalls the squeeze of his hand. It's beyond sex now.
In the background, something shatters. ]
Damn it!
[ Archie isn't as close to the device anymore. His mind whirls, and he's not sure what to say next. He's deflating, but he can't just end it with 'nevermind'. He's also not emotionally aware enough to explain why he's lashing out, nor is he secure enough to ask for help. ]
[ Unfortunately, Reggie is not known for his emotional awareness (or maturity, at times) either, so while anyone else might recognize that he's defensively overreacting, his head is too clouded with heated emotion to be anything close to rational. He doesn't assume anything he's said has struck a chord or think to check in on how Archie's feeling now-- when someone is down or upset over reasons that aren't him he can be pretty attuned to these things, but when he's angry, or arguing, he couldn't possibly be bothered to think about someone's feelings beyond occasionally softening the blow of what he really feels compelled to say.
It's hard to say if that's happening here or not. He's just reacting, not setting out to be mean like he sometimes does, so it's less that he's sparing Archie from unnecessarily personal attacks about this or that and more that it's just not that kind of fight. Reggie's scared of losing Archie, he always has been, even more than he's scared of losing to Archie, but he rejects fear in favor of anger. It's easier to be angry at Archie (and at himself, just slightly) over this. ]
What do you even have left to complain about now, like, you got the girl-- she's actually here, so congratu-friggin-lations, now the four of you can all walk off into the sunset together, or whatever the hell it is you all do. Just pretend like I'm not even here.
Don't turn this back at me! Nobody was leaving you! You were the one lying!
[ Despite him trying to yell, it's weaker now, still further away. Archie isn't by his device, but he's still in a closed room. Trying to think, and he can't. He's not always so different from Reggie, no better at considering his words. ]
You think I have everything?! I was barely hanging on before! After all the crap that keeps happening! And now, I can't protect her! She's here, and I can't protect her! I can't protect her, or Betty, or Jug, or you, of anybody!
[ Because he reacted with emotion and now, he's weak. He's weak and he's nothing because he's nothing if he's not strong. Archie isn't smart, his music didn't go anywhere, and he has no other talents outside of what he could do with his muscles. ]
What the hell would you know about people leaving? And you did leave us, that's the only reason this ever even happened!
[ Well, Archie left (good reason or not, it wasn't only Ronnie left behind) and then Ronnie left Reggie, and Josie left him before that, and while Moose (or Josie, for that matter) hasn't left yet as far as Reggie's place in the timeline is concerned, he's been more and more distant ever since Midge got killed.
Archie may think only his strength defines him, but Reggie knows better; people like Archie, they love him, they fight to stay with him and keep him. Reggie, on the other hand, doesn't seem to have much to offer that makes people, except Nick, want to stay.
(And that's even without crap like this exploding.) ]
But I didn't freakin' lie, it isn't lying to just not--
[ But then his train of thought derails slightly, as some of the edge to his anger steams off enough to leave him puzzled by what Archie's saying now. Does he mean in general? Protect Ronnie (and whoever else) from this place? ]
Look, calm the hell down. Ronnie can protect herself, and so can I.
You think I wanted to leave? [ Calm down? Archie seems to waver between calm and upset. ] Did you see what the hell was happening there, Reggie?
[ It's spiraling. It had only been about his anger here, but now Archie's defenses are up. ]
Hiram was a threat to everybody I cared about! It was all I could do! It's not just about me. You didn't see my dad when we were going through the trial, you didn't see Ronnie's face when the guards started beating us. As long as I was there, he would have come after me, and he'd make sure Veronica had to suffer through me.
[ A large inhale. ]
And I know what a damn coward that makes me! I know it! That's why I don't blame her if she goes to you! [ The word slips. It's a fear, a deep-seated one, but he hadn't meant to voice it. ] Went. [ The word is deflated. On the other side, Archie falls onto the couch. His voice is quieter now. ] Went to you. But you should have told me.
Look, I know that, just-- [ He pauses tensely, biting at his lip. ] The point is that you can't just go making freaking promises like that when you know damn well that it isn't up to you.
[ Everything is forced back into perspective again, at least just a little, enough to remind Reggie that this is a stupid argument to let himself get caught up in-- he should just let Archie be angry and not engage beyond apologies until Archie's calmed down a bit, except "not engaging" is beyond Reggie's abilities, as is not getting caught up in arguments, especially when he still doesn't think he actually did anything wrong.
(Which is not to say he doesn't understand why Archie's mad, though, but it's why he can't make himself just roll over and take it, even if just for the sake of making peace.)
What shuts him up is the sudden fear that Archie is about to break down and start crying. Reggie doesn't want Archie feeling this miserable, he'd do anything for him and he meant that, but there are few things Reggie struggles with more than knowing how to deal with tears-- he tries to focus on his anger, on Archie's comment about not being able to trust him, so that he can keep up his momentum just long enough to give him a reasonable excuse for hanging up.
Because he won't know how to handle it if he does have to hear Archie crying over the damn phone, he has to cut and run while he still can. Maybe that's cowardly, but Reggie would rather do it now than cut him off mid-sob. ]
She chose you, Archie, you won, okay? So why don't you stop feeling sorry for yourself and friggin' grow a pair already. [ He exhales sharply. ] But listen, I'm not gonna sit here and take this, I don't have to put up with this sort of crap from you of all people. Maybe I'll catch you later.
[ What had he achieved? Nothing good. Nothing he would have wanted had his mind been clear. If he wanted real answers from Reggie, this wasn't the way to do it. Tempers have flared and now, Reggie has hit sore points when Archie is already down.
Screw him. Who cared what he thought anyway? It had nothing to do with feeling sorry for himself and everything to do with fear. He can't stand to lose someone else, to see someone else he loves be hurt. Probably, he is a coward. Archie isn't proud of it, but when he thinks back to the boy who froze when his father was shot, he knows he hasn't changed.
The feed ends because Archie doesn't give a man what Reggie thinks. Only, he does. Only he and Reggie aren't only friends now. Sometimes more was started, ignited, and anger can't extinguish the flames that bit deeper inside of him. Nothing else. Not the drinks he has later, not the run he does across the beach. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
voice;
[ Yep. As expected... complicated, and Reggie doesn't know quite how to handle it. What the hell can he say that doesn't just sound like bullshit at this point? ]
And look, this isn't why anything happened between us. It's got nothing to do with that.
voice;
And yeah, Dude, it does effect us. How am I supposed to trust you? You still didn't tell me, even after she came! How many people knew before me?
voice;
[ Actually Nick told her, but Reggie doesn't know that. Oh what tangled webs, etc... ]
Look, what the hell do you want me to say now? That I'm sorry? Cuz dude, like-- okay, I should've told you, but it's not like anything's still going on between us. And...
[ Part of him feels like it's really more Ronnie's decision to make than his own, her news to tell, but at the same time he doesn't love how that does look and feel like an excuse-- even to himself. ]
So now you don't trust me? Are you serious?
voice;
[ Who didn't tell him either, but Archie knows Nick is considerably more loyal to Reggie. He doesn't love that, to know that others knew more about Ronnie than Archie himself, but he wouldn't expect Nick to break Reggie's trust.
Archie's own feelings are mangled, confused, mixed up. He wasn't as angry before, and now he's... a lot of things. Angry. Hurt.
Afraid. ]
Yeah, I am serious. How do I know you're not hiding anything else? Damn it! It's not like I could've been pissed. I know I ran away. And Ronnie's not somebody who'd do this to hurt me. All you had to do was be honest.
voice;
[ Well. If there's anything Reggie isn't good at, it's keeping his cool when he starts to feel cornered, and he can feel himself getting tenser and angrier (if not necessarily rationally so) the longer Archie keeps telling him off.
If he were more level-headed it probably would have never gotten to this point in the first place, but now that they're here, he can't keep up trying to be reasonable enough to calm Archie down. (Which he clearly isn't going a great job with, anyway.) ]
I only told Nick cuz-- [ An honestly spell made him spill it, actually, not that he knows that. ] Look, I didn't know how to tell you. I hadn't seen you since you disappeared off into the friggin' wilderness, Archie, why would I wanna screw that up over someone we didn't even know would ever show up here?!
What the hell else would I be hiding anyway? Like dude, how the hell do you not know by now that I'd do anything for you? I have done--
[ He takes a breath, sharp and angry. ]
You know what? Screw this.
voice;
I'd do anything for you. Archie believed it, even after what Ronnie told him. Of course he was jealous. If anyone could make him feel insecure, it's Reggie so knowing Veronica had spent time with his rival naturally shook him. Only, Reggie isn't just his rival anymore. He's become more. Archie recalls the car ride, recalls the squeeze of his hand. It's beyond sex now.
In the background, something shatters. ]
Damn it!
[ Archie isn't as close to the device anymore. His mind whirls, and he's not sure what to say next. He's deflating, but he can't just end it with 'nevermind'. He's also not emotionally aware enough to explain why he's lashing out, nor is he secure enough to ask for help. ]
voice;
It's hard to say if that's happening here or not. He's just reacting, not setting out to be mean like he sometimes does, so it's less that he's sparing Archie from unnecessarily personal attacks about this or that and more that it's just not that kind of fight. Reggie's scared of losing Archie, he always has been, even more than he's scared of losing to Archie, but he rejects fear in favor of anger. It's easier to be angry at Archie (and at himself, just slightly) over this. ]
What do you even have left to complain about now, like, you got the girl-- she's actually here, so congratu-friggin-lations, now the four of you can all walk off into the sunset together, or whatever the hell it is you all do. Just pretend like I'm not even here.
voice;
[ Despite him trying to yell, it's weaker now, still further away. Archie isn't by his device, but he's still in a closed room. Trying to think, and he can't. He's not always so different from Reggie, no better at considering his words. ]
You think I have everything?! I was barely hanging on before! After all the crap that keeps happening! And now, I can't protect her! She's here, and I can't protect her! I can't protect her, or Betty, or Jug, or you, of anybody!
[ Because he reacted with emotion and now, he's weak. He's weak and he's nothing because he's nothing if he's not strong. Archie isn't smart, his music didn't go anywhere, and he has no other talents outside of what he could do with his muscles. ]
voice;
[ Well, Archie left (good reason or not, it wasn't only Ronnie left behind) and then Ronnie left Reggie, and Josie left him before that, and while Moose (or Josie, for that matter) hasn't left yet as far as Reggie's place in the timeline is concerned, he's been more and more distant ever since Midge got killed.
Archie may think only his strength defines him, but Reggie knows better; people like Archie, they love him, they fight to stay with him and keep him. Reggie, on the other hand, doesn't seem to have much to offer that makes people, except Nick, want to stay.
(And that's even without crap like this exploding.) ]
But I didn't freakin' lie, it isn't lying to just not--
[ But then his train of thought derails slightly, as some of the edge to his anger steams off enough to leave him puzzled by what Archie's saying now. Does he mean in general? Protect Ronnie (and whoever else) from this place? ]
Look, calm the hell down. Ronnie can protect herself, and so can I.
voice;
[ It's spiraling. It had only been about his anger here, but now Archie's defenses are up. ]
Hiram was a threat to everybody I cared about! It was all I could do! It's not just about me. You didn't see my dad when we were going through the trial, you didn't see Ronnie's face when the guards started beating us. As long as I was there, he would have come after me, and he'd make sure Veronica had to suffer through me.
[ A large inhale. ]
And I know what a damn coward that makes me! I know it! That's why I don't blame her if she goes to you! [ The word slips. It's a fear, a deep-seated one, but he hadn't meant to voice it. ] Went. [ The word is deflated. On the other side, Archie falls onto the couch. His voice is quieter now. ] Went to you. But you should have told me.
voice;
[ Everything is forced back into perspective again, at least just a little, enough to remind Reggie that this is a stupid argument to let himself get caught up in-- he should just let Archie be angry and not engage beyond apologies until Archie's calmed down a bit, except "not engaging" is beyond Reggie's abilities, as is not getting caught up in arguments, especially when he still doesn't think he actually did anything wrong.
(Which is not to say he doesn't understand why Archie's mad, though, but it's why he can't make himself just roll over and take it, even if just for the sake of making peace.)
What shuts him up is the sudden fear that Archie is about to break down and start crying. Reggie doesn't want Archie feeling this miserable, he'd do anything for him and he meant that, but there are few things Reggie struggles with more than knowing how to deal with tears-- he tries to focus on his anger, on Archie's comment about not being able to trust him, so that he can keep up his momentum just long enough to give him a reasonable excuse for hanging up.
Because he won't know how to handle it if he does have to hear Archie crying over the damn phone, he has to cut and run while he still can. Maybe that's cowardly, but Reggie would rather do it now than cut him off mid-sob. ]
She chose you, Archie, you won, okay? So why don't you stop feeling sorry for yourself and friggin' grow a pair already. [ He exhales sharply. ] But listen, I'm not gonna sit here and take this, I don't have to put up with this sort of crap from you of all people. Maybe I'll catch you later.
Unless, I dunno, I'm lying about that, too.
voice;
Screw him. Who cared what he thought anyway? It had nothing to do with feeling sorry for himself and everything to do with fear. He can't stand to lose someone else, to see someone else he loves be hurt. Probably, he is a coward. Archie isn't proud of it, but when he thinks back to the boy who froze when his father was shot, he knows he hasn't changed.
The feed ends because Archie doesn't give a man what Reggie thinks. Only, he does. Only he and Reggie aren't only friends now. Sometimes more was started, ignited, and anger can't extinguish the flames that bit deeper inside of him. Nothing else. Not the drinks he has later, not the run he does across the beach. ]