[He says her name like it's charged. As if it might summon her.]
We are. I mean. We're supposed to be. It's supposed to be hard, too hard for us to fall in love. The Dark Lord, he wants everything that we have for himself.
[He closes his eyes.]
She taught me what love was. She's half mortal, so, it's easier for her. I guess. She is...smart. And beautiful. And passionate, hard headed to the point of mulishness. She thinks she's good at everything. And. She's everything.
[ That's all, just "oh," as his fingers still and come back to rest on Nick's back, because Reggie doesn't know what else to say yet, or how to feel. He can't be jealous, it's not like Reggie would have any ground to stand on there; back home they don't even know each other, and here, Reggie's still been hung up on a girl who he wasn't even technically dating (yet), who barely even counts as an ex, himself, and he and Nick aren't exclusive anyway. Reggie doesn't even know if what they are counts as dating either.
But Nick is clearly full of love for this girl, the way he's gushing and describing her, and Reggie feels... he doesn't know. He does know he can't really compete with that, though; he wouldn't know where to start. You can't beat everything, and he has certainly tried enough times to be it to know that for a fact, but he'd still give everything to Nick (or Ronnie, which later, he will) if he could. ]
That's great. [ His eyes face upward, toward the ceiling. ] Does she love you back?
She wouldn't do it if she didn't want it-- and if she would, how is that your problem?
[ Because as far as Reggie's concerned, there's being led on and there's committing to certain ways of life, and one might sometimes lead to the other, but ultimately it's a choice only the willing or the very naively impulsive would make.
Himself, he's a bit of both, but usually just enough of the former that he doesn't get in so deep he can't still put his foot down if things turn out to be any less than what he was promised. Usually. ]
She didn't have to, but she did it anyway. [ Sounds like love to him, or curiosity. Willingness either way. ] It just sounds like she wanted to be part of your life.
[It's hard to describe. His hand finds Reggie's, and he brings it up to his mouth. How can he explain to a mortal what his religion dictates? What it means? The spiritual consequences of eschewing the Path of Light to follow the Path of Night; to forgetting the mortal world.
Maybe that's it.]
I made it more appealing. But that's not it. It's like.
[He sits up and puts both his hands on Reggie's chest, and leans his chin there.]
Imagine you changed schools. And I guess in this scenario, I'm a mortal. Sure.
[Ugh.]
And you come to my school and you hate it. We do things differently. You miss your friends. You miss your girlfriend, who you're still with. And I meet you and I kind of like you and we could be friends.
And then your...I don't know. Your priest, or your dad, someone who has some authority over you but who you don't like and who you're mad with because they made you change schools and uproot your life comes to me and asks me to ask you out. And while we're dating, they ask me to make you forgive them. To make you like them. To make you obey them.
[ As much as the elaboration helps him to see more what Nick is getting at,Reggie still doesn't entirely understand, but he probably won't ever-- not entirely.
There are things in life a person gets mad about, people a person gets mad at, and sometimes something can be done about and sometimes nothing can. And Reggie, of course, is quite a stubborn person; when he's mad about something he feels like he'll be mad forever, he wants to rebel and start fights, to hold grudges, and set fire to his life til it takes a new shape he prefers, but stubbornness doesn't always lead Reggie anywhere productive. ]
Or the football coach who wants me on his team. [ Reggie smirks a little, thinly. ] But if I changed schools then sooner or later I'd still have to do all that-- I wouldn't stay mad at you unless you'd been tricking me all the way to the end. If I gave you everything and you took it and then left me without anything, then maybe, but...
[ He pauses, wetting his lips and exhaling slowly. ]
You love her. So it's different. [ Another pause, then he laughs a little. ] Also, no offense, but my dad would probably hate you.
[Nick generally doesn't hate many people, but from what he knows about Reggie's dad, he thinks a curse would be more than generous to keep him in line.
[ That gets another laugh, more sincere than the last one. ]
Yeah, well, my dad makes it pretty easy.
[ There are a lot of situations in which Reggie would still defend his dad, he doesn't hate him, per se, but he certainly resents him a lot more openly these days now that some of his friends know more about what he can be like when he gets mad.
(Not that any of them besides Nick do here, Reggie thinks, or at least not as well. Timelines are funny that way.) ]
And I don't wanna ruin you, but... maybe we're even. [ If this is ruined for Nick, surely Reggie must be even more so. ] I love you too.
[ He wonders what would happen to him -- to them, to this -- if Sabrina were to show up here, but then, he's wondered that about Veronica, too. In that way maybe the two of them really are even; Nick's not used to loving anyone and Reggie's not used to being loved, Nick's used to sharing himself with everyone, and Reggie...
Well, Reggie is too, but not when he's with someone. How would he handle that? He doesn't even know how to handle this. ]
[He looks at Reggie for a minute, and moves up to kiss him on the mouth. It's smooth, and it's easy, and it's unhurried. There's no pressure here. There's nothing he has to fix. For the first time in his life, he feels like he really does have hundreds of years to spend with him.
He doesn't.
He has maybe seventy years. Or eighty. And Reggie will grow old, and in eighty years, Nick will look like he's in his his twenties. He'll barely age. Everything will go so slowly.
[ Which is honest, but not honest enough; Reggie kisses Nick back before he deigns to clarify further, deep and intimately as he tries to work out what he does want.
Finally, he breathes against Nick's mouth: ]
Yes. I do, but-- [ Another kiss, more needy than before. ] I dunno how to do this. Or if I'm ready to...
[ Date a guy, or date someone he has to share, or both, really. As worth it as it feels, is it realistic? ]
[He says it, and they kiss, and it's needy but it's not tipping into sexual, it's not becoming desperate. He kisses him again, and then settles his head on his shoulder.]
I'll be whatever you want me to.
[He presses Reggie's hand to his chest, precious thing it is.]
[ Reggie doesn't know if that's what he wants; as it is he never puts labels on things, and there are times when that's more comfortable (he's still reluctant about "bisexual") and times when all he wants is to be someone's boyfriend and not have to hide it. ]
I've never dated a guy before. And I know that doesn't really like, matter, but... [ He shakes his head a bit, stroking Nick's hair. ] Or dated someday while we were both still sleeping with other people. I don't know. Maybe it'd make everything harder.
[ His arm stills again, just wrapped around Nick like it would if they were on their sides spooning. In this case, maybe not putting a label on what they are would be for the best; Reggie doesn't understand polyamory or open relationships too well yet as it is, let alone how the people he knows who are dating here make it work-- how it doesn't feel fun in the moment but then eat at them later, make them jealous and miserable and doubt their own love or ability to make it last; how it wouldn't feel even worse to try being exclusive knowing it's impossible, to force themselves to be with other people when they don't want to just to get by, or to enjoy it but have to keep it secret.
[He doesn't care about labels. He doesn't care about whatever Reggie is going through regarding identity, as long as he stays. As long as Nick can rest his head on Reggie's shoulder and know he's right there, just at the end of his fingertips.
He's in love with two people, and one of them is a mortal, a disaster. One of them is here, curling around him. And Nick doesn't care if he wants to be called his boyfriend, or his Submissive, or anything else.
[ As if Nick needs to even make that request -- who the hell else would Reggie choose, and why, when he's this content right here? -- but Reggie is strangely happy to hear it regardless. For all the complications this drops into their lap for them to either deal with eventually or continue to ignore, he likes knowing that he's wanted, and as wanted.
For now this is a lot. It's plenty. ]
I don't want anyone else. And if we could be together normally-- believe me, if I could just sleep with you, I would.
[ Which is easy to say, though in practice it might be harder. Reggie loves Nick, but even if he hasn't really fully examined the fact yet, he's developed such varied forms of intimacy with most of his regular partners in Duplicity that it would still be hard to let some of them go. Archie, or Raven, or Derek, that's all... it's different than love, he's pretty damn sure of that, but Reggie doesn't know what it is or why it'd be so hard to lose, and in more than just the typical "he likes having sex with people" way.
It's more than sex, those are specific types of intimacy (in general, or with some of those specific people) that he can only have here, some of which he's always needed, but then--
But then, so is what he has with Nick, and that's more important. Love is all about making sacrifices when you have to anyway, isn't it? ]
When you were gone I didn't even know what to do with myself.
[ Reggie bites the inside of his cheek, quiet for a few long seconds as he works his jaw to one side, figuring out what he wants to say. It's not that he wants Nick to get jealous, but he doesn't entirely know what to make of the fact that he rarely ever seems to-- witch culture, Reggie knows, but that doesn't make it any easier to get used to, especially not from the perspective of someone Nick says he's in love with. Reggie gets jealous all the time, even knowing there's not a damn thing he can do about it.
He shrugs a little, or as much as he can while lying on his back like this, just a loose upward roll of his shoulders. ]
I'm sure Derek would be fine with it. I don't even know if he's into it or is just humoring me with what he thinks I want. [ Or rather, "knows." ] And I never wanted Dorian in the first place.
[ He doesn't comment on Archie, though; that's too complicated for him to come up with a response. He just kisses Nick again, letting his head sink more deeply against his pillow. ]
But if it's all the same to you, then fine. Nothing has to change.
[He tips his face up just a little bit, like he's thinking about it. He reaches for his face, and looks at him for a long moment, and then he laughs just a little bit. Hi, sweetheart.
He shakes his head.]
Derek likes your cock. Don't let him let you think otherwise.
[Nick knows.]
And Dorian-
[There's an easy shrug.]
Use him for what he knows. It won't offend him.
[He's friends with Dorian and he thinks that, no less.]
How did you-- [ Reggie's eyebrows raise a little, surprised. Does Nick know what happened while he was gone...? ] I mean yeah, everybody does, but that's not exactly what I meant.
[ He wets his lips a little, nodding in vague response to what Nick says about Dorian, if only because he doesn't actually want to think too much about what happened between them right now. Not that it hadn't been quite good at the time, but he still feels weird about it, and it's a weirdness Reggie doesn't quite know what to do with.
He laughs a little now too, half nervously and half strangely tension-breaking. ]
[He says it, and lies his head on Reggie's chest, like he'll be falling asleep soon. He actually doesn't want to know, now. Now, he just wants to feel-
-Heaven.
He just wants to feel loved, and Reggie gives him that.]
Go back to sleep. I'll wake you again if you have nightmares.
[ Reggie's fingers are in Nick's hair again, playing with it idly but with affection. He's not sure he wants to sleep now either, he's just on the wrong side of "too awake" now to easily drift off again, and it feels less and less worth it to try.
He'll be tired as hell later, sure, but he can always take a nap. ]
I don't wanna sleep now. I'm not tired anymore. [ His hand moves down, stroking slowly over Nick's spine. ] But have you slept at all?
[He's still dressed, no less, but he doesn't really feel like getting up. He actually...kind of feels like sleeping. It wouldn't go amiss, anyway. He closes his eyes and almost purrs at the touch, luxuriating in the feeling.]
I only slept a little last night.
[Almost a full twenty-four hours without sleep, really. He hasn't been sleeping well, even though he drew a binding circle under their bed. He couldn't get Reggie to vacate the bed without making it a Thing, so sleep has been hard-pressed to come.]
[ Reggie continues stroking Nick, his spine and his hair, soothing and affectionate, trying to decide what he should do. He's fine with letting Nick rest, and he understands that part of that is going to involve Nick resting on him, but-- even if he turns off his phone alarm and skips running today, he'll have to get up eventually.
At least to get them food, and probably also coffee. ]
Then you should sleep. Here--
[ He rolls them gently onto their sides, so Reggie can wrap his arm over Nick and spoon him. ]
[He doesn't clarify. He wants to make Reggie promise to leave, if things get bad, if suddenly he wakes up and it's not Nick at the helm.
But he won't get Reggie to promise that, so he just closes his eyes and lets him think. Promise you'll go and promise you'll stay are both the same promise, he thinks. He's so tired, he holds his hands close.]
Promise.
[He says it quietly, this time, but the truth is that he's so warm and that he falls asleep almost right away.]
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[He says her name like it's charged. As if it might summon her.]
We are. I mean. We're supposed to be. It's supposed to be hard, too hard for us to fall in love. The Dark Lord, he wants everything that we have for himself.
[He closes his eyes.]
She taught me what love was. She's half mortal, so, it's easier for her. I guess. She is...smart. And beautiful. And passionate, hard headed to the point of mulishness. She thinks she's good at everything. And. She's everything.
[There he is. The boy in love.]
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[ That's all, just "oh," as his fingers still and come back to rest on Nick's back, because Reggie doesn't know what else to say yet, or how to feel. He can't be jealous, it's not like Reggie would have any ground to stand on there; back home they don't even know each other, and here, Reggie's still been hung up on a girl who he wasn't even technically dating (yet), who barely even counts as an ex, himself, and he and Nick aren't exclusive anyway. Reggie doesn't even know if what they are counts as dating either.
But Nick is clearly full of love for this girl, the way he's gushing and describing her, and Reggie feels... he doesn't know. He does know he can't really compete with that, though; he wouldn't know where to start. You can't beat everything, and he has certainly tried enough times to be it to know that for a fact, but he'd still give everything to Nick (or Ronnie, which later, he will) if he could. ]
That's great. [ His eyes face upward, toward the ceiling. ] Does she love you back?
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[He says it quietly.]
I betrayed her, so probably not.
[His fingers tighten at Reggie's waist. He closes his eyes, and feels the way that Reggie's heart beats.]
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[ It matters to Reggie, anyway (not that he's sure why), but he holds Nick tighter when he feels that slight clench of fingers at his side. ]
Why'd you do that? [ He can only imagine there was a reason. ] And how?
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He asked-
[Nick takes a breath.]
He asked me to hold her hand. To show a pretty girl a wicked time.
[He uses the same words that the Dark Lord did, all those months ago. And so-]
So I did. I nudged her along the Path of Night with me, when it's not what she wanted.
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[ Because as far as Reggie's concerned, there's being led on and there's committing to certain ways of life, and one might sometimes lead to the other, but ultimately it's a choice only the willing or the very naively impulsive would make.
Himself, he's a bit of both, but usually just enough of the former that he doesn't get in so deep he can't still put his foot down if things turn out to be any less than what he was promised. Usually. ]
She didn't have to, but she did it anyway. [ Sounds like love to him, or curiosity. Willingness either way. ] It just sounds like she wanted to be part of your life.
[ And vice versa, of course. ]
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It's not really like that. The Path of Night-
[It's hard to describe. His hand finds Reggie's, and he brings it up to his mouth. How can he explain to a mortal what his religion dictates? What it means? The spiritual consequences of eschewing the Path of Light to follow the Path of Night; to forgetting the mortal world.
Maybe that's it.]
I made it more appealing. But that's not it. It's like.
[He sits up and puts both his hands on Reggie's chest, and leans his chin there.]
Imagine you changed schools. And I guess in this scenario, I'm a mortal. Sure.
[Ugh.]
And you come to my school and you hate it. We do things differently. You miss your friends. You miss your girlfriend, who you're still with. And I meet you and I kind of like you and we could be friends.
And then your...I don't know. Your priest, or your dad, someone who has some authority over you but who you don't like and who you're mad with because they made you change schools and uproot your life comes to me and asks me to ask you out. And while we're dating, they ask me to make you forgive them. To make you like them. To make you obey them.
And for whatever reason I do.
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There are things in life a person gets mad about, people a person gets mad at, and sometimes something can be done about and sometimes nothing can. And Reggie, of course, is quite a stubborn person; when he's mad about something he feels like he'll be mad forever, he wants to rebel and start fights, to hold grudges, and set fire to his life til it takes a new shape he prefers, but stubbornness doesn't always lead Reggie anywhere productive. ]
Or the football coach who wants me on his team. [ Reggie smirks a little, thinly. ] But if I changed schools then sooner or later I'd still have to do all that-- I wouldn't stay mad at you unless you'd been tricking me all the way to the end. If I gave you everything and you took it and then left me without anything, then maybe, but...
[ He pauses, wetting his lips and exhaling slowly. ]
You love her. So it's different. [ Another pause, then he laughs a little. ] Also, no offense, but my dad would probably hate you.
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[Nick generally doesn't hate many people, but from what he knows about Reggie's dad, he thinks a curse would be more than generous to keep him in line.
He goes quiet.]
I love her.
And you. You've ruined me.
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Yeah, well, my dad makes it pretty easy.
[ There are a lot of situations in which Reggie would still defend his dad, he doesn't hate him, per se, but he certainly resents him a lot more openly these days now that some of his friends know more about what he can be like when he gets mad.
(Not that any of them besides Nick do here, Reggie thinks, or at least not as well. Timelines are funny that way.) ]
And I don't wanna ruin you, but... maybe we're even. [ If this is ruined for Nick, surely Reggie must be even more so. ] I love you too.
[ He wonders what would happen to him -- to them, to this -- if Sabrina were to show up here, but then, he's wondered that about Veronica, too. In that way maybe the two of them really are even; Nick's not used to loving anyone and Reggie's not used to being loved, Nick's used to sharing himself with everyone, and Reggie...
Well, Reggie is too, but not when he's with someone. How would he handle that? He doesn't even know how to handle this. ]
Are we dating? I mean, is that what we are now?
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He doesn't.
He has maybe seventy years. Or eighty. And Reggie will grow old, and in eighty years, Nick will look like he's in his his twenties. He'll barely age. Everything will go so slowly.
He kisses him again.]
Is that what you want? To be my boyfriend?
[There's no teasing in his tone of voice.]
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[ Which is honest, but not honest enough; Reggie kisses Nick back before he deigns to clarify further, deep and intimately as he tries to work out what he does want.
Finally, he breathes against Nick's mouth: ]
Yes. I do, but-- [ Another kiss, more needy than before. ] I dunno how to do this. Or if I'm ready to...
[ Date a guy, or date someone he has to share, or both, really. As worth it as it feels, is it realistic? ]
But I want to. I wanna be with you.
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[He says it, and they kiss, and it's needy but it's not tipping into sexual, it's not becoming desperate. He kisses him again, and then settles his head on his shoulder.]
I'll be whatever you want me to.
[He presses Reggie's hand to his chest, precious thing it is.]
We don't have to put a label on things, you know.
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[ Reggie doesn't know if that's what he wants; as it is he never puts labels on things, and there are times when that's more comfortable (he's still reluctant about "bisexual") and times when all he wants is to be someone's boyfriend and not have to hide it. ]
I've never dated a guy before. And I know that doesn't really like, matter, but... [ He shakes his head a bit, stroking Nick's hair. ] Or dated someday while we were both still sleeping with other people. I don't know. Maybe it'd make everything harder.
[ His arm stills again, just wrapped around Nick like it would if they were on their sides spooning. In this case, maybe not putting a label on what they are would be for the best; Reggie doesn't understand polyamory or open relationships too well yet as it is, let alone how the people he knows who are dating here make it work-- how it doesn't feel fun in the moment but then eat at them later, make them jealous and miserable and doubt their own love or ability to make it last; how it wouldn't feel even worse to try being exclusive knowing it's impossible, to force themselves to be with other people when they don't want to just to get by, or to enjoy it but have to keep it secret.
But... ]
What do you want?
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[He doesn't care about labels. He doesn't care about whatever Reggie is going through regarding identity, as long as he stays. As long as Nick can rest his head on Reggie's shoulder and know he's right there, just at the end of his fingertips.
He's in love with two people, and one of them is a mortal, a disaster. One of them is here, curling around him. And Nick doesn't care if he wants to be called his boyfriend, or his Submissive, or anything else.
He just wants him.]
Don't find another Dominant.
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[ As if Nick needs to even make that request -- who the hell else would Reggie choose, and why, when he's this content right here? -- but Reggie is strangely happy to hear it regardless. For all the complications this drops into their lap for them to either deal with eventually or continue to ignore, he likes knowing that he's wanted, and as wanted.
For now this is a lot. It's plenty. ]
I don't want anyone else. And if we could be together normally-- believe me, if I could just sleep with you, I would.
[ Which is easy to say, though in practice it might be harder. Reggie loves Nick, but even if he hasn't really fully examined the fact yet, he's developed such varied forms of intimacy with most of his regular partners in Duplicity that it would still be hard to let some of them go. Archie, or Raven, or Derek, that's all... it's different than love, he's pretty damn sure of that, but Reggie doesn't know what it is or why it'd be so hard to lose, and in more than just the typical "he likes having sex with people" way.
It's more than sex, those are specific types of intimacy (in general, or with some of those specific people) that he can only have here, some of which he's always needed, but then--
But then, so is what he has with Nick, and that's more important. Love is all about making sacrifices when you have to anyway, isn't it? ]
When you were gone I didn't even know what to do with myself.
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[He laughs a little.]
Archie?
[He kisses Reggie, easily.]
Dorian?
[He closes his eyes and breathes in, and out.]
I don't want you to. I don't want you to feel anything but free to have or not have whatever you want.
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He shrugs a little, or as much as he can while lying on his back like this, just a loose upward roll of his shoulders. ]
I'm sure Derek would be fine with it. I don't even know if he's into it or is just humoring me with what he thinks I want. [ Or rather, "knows." ] And I never wanted Dorian in the first place.
[ He doesn't comment on Archie, though; that's too complicated for him to come up with a response. He just kisses Nick again, letting his head sink more deeply against his pillow. ]
But if it's all the same to you, then fine. Nothing has to change.
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He shakes his head.]
Derek likes your cock. Don't let him let you think otherwise.
[Nick knows.]
And Dorian-
[There's an easy shrug.]
Use him for what he knows. It won't offend him.
[He's friends with Dorian and he thinks that, no less.]
But nothing on Archie, then.
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[ He wets his lips a little, nodding in vague response to what Nick says about Dorian, if only because he doesn't actually want to think too much about what happened between them right now. Not that it hadn't been quite good at the time, but he still feels weird about it, and it's a weirdness Reggie doesn't quite know what to do with.
He laughs a little now too, half nervously and half strangely tension-breaking. ]
What do you want me to say about Archie?
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[He says it, and lies his head on Reggie's chest, like he'll be falling asleep soon. He actually doesn't want to know, now. Now, he just wants to feel-
-Heaven.
He just wants to feel loved, and Reggie gives him that.]
Go back to sleep. I'll wake you again if you have nightmares.
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[ Reggie's fingers are in Nick's hair again, playing with it idly but with affection. He's not sure he wants to sleep now either, he's just on the wrong side of "too awake" now to easily drift off again, and it feels less and less worth it to try.
He'll be tired as hell later, sure, but he can always take a nap. ]
I don't wanna sleep now. I'm not tired anymore. [ His hand moves down, stroking slowly over Nick's spine. ] But have you slept at all?
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[He's still dressed, no less, but he doesn't really feel like getting up. He actually...kind of feels like sleeping. It wouldn't go amiss, anyway. He closes his eyes and almost purrs at the touch, luxuriating in the feeling.]
I only slept a little last night.
[Almost a full twenty-four hours without sleep, really. He hasn't been sleeping well, even though he drew a binding circle under their bed. He couldn't get Reggie to vacate the bed without making it a Thing, so sleep has been hard-pressed to come.]
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At least to get them food, and probably also coffee. ]
Then you should sleep. Here--
[ He rolls them gently onto their sides, so Reggie can wrap his arm over Nick and spoon him. ]
Just relax, I've got you.
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[He doesn't clarify. He wants to make Reggie promise to leave, if things get bad, if suddenly he wakes up and it's not Nick at the helm.
But he won't get Reggie to promise that, so he just closes his eyes and lets him think. Promise you'll go and promise you'll stay are both the same promise, he thinks. He's so tired, he holds his hands close.]
Promise.
[He says it quietly, this time, but the truth is that he's so warm and that he falls asleep almost right away.]
(no subject)