IC CONTACT ➛ mask or menace.

[bragnificent]

❝ Ｙｏ， ｙｏｕ ｇｏｔ Ｒｅｇｇｉｅ． Ｌｅａｖｅ ｉｔ！ ❞ ( ♪ )

Comments

[calloused]

You're the reddest a flag can come. Being friends with you is a huge stain on a person's character.

[ He arches his eyebrows at Reggie, keeping as straight a face as he can. He gets what Reggie means - Derek's not exactly clean, and if Reggie had told him he was friends with some other murderer in his twenties, Derek'd probably start shredding things into pieces and lock Reggie up in his basement to keep him safe. But - ugh. That doesn't mean anything. Derek already believes that if Reggie were a little smarter, he'd have known not to be Derek's friend. ]

I know I can't know someone just from meeting them, but - I'm this big, scary werewolf with giant arms and pointy teeth. I'm an Alpha, which means I'm supposed to have my own pack, and I'm supposed to take care of them. I haven't been able to bite anyone and turn them into a wolf, I haven't been able to teach anyone how to fight or protect themselves, I haven't been able to do... half the things that I'm supposed to do. Including evaluating and eliminating potential threats. I'm just...

[ He goes quiet for a second, and it looks like he's just going to stop talking, apparently embarrassed about how deep he's already gotten with this. He takes a few steps before he's getting annoyed enough to keep talking, huffing hard through his nose and shaking his head. ]

Tate's the only one who really depends on me. I'm supposed to be the one who fixes all his problems, but he wants our relationship to be equal, and he's making friends with people who can help him in ways that I can't. It's like - I only had one person who I could keep to myself and take care of and really, genuinely help. You don't need me, Jughead left before I could really help him - sometimes I just feel like I'm not doing enough. Like I'm not even scratching the surface of doing enough.

[ as an alpha werewolf, as a person. as a friend, a boyfriend. again, derek exhales, frustrated. ]

Sorry. I'm done, swear to god. This is a lot of unnecessary emotion for me.

[bragnificent]

Don't be an idiot, dude.

[ That's Reggie's auto-response, before he even begins trying to make sense of any of the specifics. He understood where Derek was coming from in the beginning with the whole alpha thing -- maybe not specifically with werewolves, but even regular human dudes have some version of that pack mentality helping define their various masculine social hierarchies, especially when it comes to leaderships -- but what follows ends up losing him.

His "alpha" responsibilities as captain of the Bulldogs, for example (never mind that, despite Reggie being captain, Archie won the title of alpha from him, but Reggie of course isn't about to bring that humiliation up), include helping his team come together and making decisions about what's best for both the team and the members themselves, supporting them and making sure they support each other... telling them what to do, but not how to live their lives. There are limits to how much responsibility he believes any alpha male should expect to or have to take for their pack, and sometimes Reggie pushes those limits a little because he's not the real alpha, but while he hasn't exactly been the best leader, he tries to only take responsibility for the problems he causes and the decisions he makes.

Well, sometimes. ]

No one can fix everything for someone. It's why we don't go through life only knowing one person-- cuz parents sure as hell can't do that, and even friends or whatever else can only do so much single-handedly. Different people fix different things, that's just how it is.

[ This is annoying. Reggie doesn't know why he's suddenly feeling so tense and irritated, but there it is-- and no, it isn't just about having to hear about Derek and Tate anymore. ]

And grown ass people need to deal with their shit on their own, too. You keep babies to yourself and take care of, but you can't just mama bird regular people and expect it to actually work. [ Reggie looks over at Moose, waiting while the dog stops to sniff at some bushes. ] Anyway, what would you know about what I need?

[calloused]

[ reggie's, what, barely eighteen? he's not there yet, but he's not far off, if derek remembers correctly. derek's got a good couple of years on him, and he shouldn't be coming to him for advice - especially when he knows reggie isn't exactly a fan of giving (or receiving, actually) advice in the first place. but.

it helps? to talk. who knew. reggie was right, when he noticed how unbalanced his relationship with derek was. derek's always pushing for him to say how he's feeling, always blindly demanding that it'll help, even when he draws in on himself and refuses to do the same. feels kind of weird to be on this side of things. talking about himself in a way that he can't loop back into a life lesson to give reggie as a way to justify doing it.

again. it helps. even if he hates it. even if reggie looks seconds away from bitching him out. ]

I want to fix everything. I should be able to fix everything.

[ that's not much of an argument, and he says it more like a plea or a confession than something realistic he thinks he's actually able to do. derek runs his hand over the back of his neck, stretching out some kinks from coiled up muscles that are starting to ache. he does come this close to smacking reggie on the arm for saying he's a mama bird, but he doesn't have the energy to follow through with it.

but reggie says "what would you know about what i need", and derek snorts. he knows that reggie doesn't need him. he's not going to say that, because there's no way to double down on a point like that one without sounding like you're fishing for reassurance, and he'd probably walk into the same bushes moose is sniffing at to vomit until he fuuuucking dies if reggie tried to reassure him about what a great friend he is, but. he knows? reggie doesn't rely on him, and that's fine. it is what it is. ]

Just - there's a difference between having a friend you like hanging out with and having a friend you can rely on. You don't rely on me. That's cool, you're not obligated to, but. [ hard shrug. ]

I don't know. I want people to think I'm dependable, I guess.

[bragnificent]

[ Reggie says nothing for a while-- or, well, what may feel like a while, but is actually probably only about a minute or so. It feels longer because he's thinking, frowning, dismissing and swallowing down more arguments he knows aren't going to go anywhere.

He does need his friends, people like Derek and Ronan and Dr. Chilton and all of them, but maybe not in the ways people expect others to need them. He doesn't depend on them, he doesn't need Dr. Chilton or Iris to take care of him despite the pseudo-parental roles they've taken in his life, or need Derek to fix his problems, but he relies on them for other things. He relies on them to just be there, for one thing. To not leave him here all alone.

Reggie doesn't say any of that. ]

Whatever. Maybe you're right-- I mean, it's nothing personal, I guess I just don't really need anyone, yknow? And it's not like anyone ever needs me, either, everyone's already got someone else for that, so it works out perfect.

[ He's used to that being how things are and will probably continue to be-- not exactly thrilled about it, but it's not that different back home, either. A little, but not different enough. I want to fix everything. I should be able to fix everything is something Reggie feels very strongly himself, and often, but also he...

Well, maybe it doesn't matter.

Reggie tugs on Moose's leash to hurry him up. ]

You are dependable.

[calloused]

[ Derek just - nods. Slow, methodical, a light dip of his head that's only even noticeable because he happens to be standing in the right light. He thinks he could read into what Reggie's trying to tell him and find... vulnerability, maybe, but - that's kind of why Derek brought all this up in the first place? He needs to stop projecting on Reggie, thinking he's as lonely as Derek is, just because he's a stupid jock like Derek used to be, back before Kate and the fire. Reggie's growing up? Derek's been noticing, even if only in bits and pieces. The guy was ported out for a fucking year. ]

Right. I can't fault you for your independence. Can't get upset with you for being strong enough to stand on your own two feet, and I can't keep...

[ Moose is sniffing at nothing, apparently totally fine with letting Reggie just stand there and tug at his leash for a while. Derek's grateful, if only because it delays their walk long enough for him to feel like he can talk without the moment being broken. ]

I can't keep thinking you might need people more than you let on, I guess? If I just spend all my time thinking "fuck, Reggie's just like me, he needs people, he needs a pack," then I'll just keep treating you like a kid I need to handle delicately. Someone I need to yell at when you do things wrong, instead of the grown-ass man you're becoming.

[ He'd love it if Reggie needed him more than he does, but fuck, he's nearly eighteen years old. If he didn't need anyone before - if he didn't depend on anyone, the way that Derek wishes people would depend on him - then he's sure as shit not going to need them at eighteen.

Reggie calls him dependable, and Derek thinks it sounds a little fake, but that's only because Reggie's never really said something like that to him before. He laughs, just quietly. Not shy, because Derek Hale doesn't get fucking shy, but - something just on the edge of that. ]

You're dependable, too. Bit of a mess, quick to fuck up, but. I know that if I needed someone to break me out of prison, you'd be the guy to call.

[ a pause. ]

Or - you know. Out of juvie.

[bragnificent]

[ Derek's right, but Reggie's instinct is to shake his head; he does, chewing idly on the inside of his cheek as he continues walking, staring forward with a slightly troubled, thoughtful expression.

He hates the idea of being dependent on anyone, being "needy," of living or dying based on what other people think, and he doesn't, but... the truth is Reggie is only as "independent" as he is not necessarily because it's in his nature to be, but because it's how he's had to be. His parents tend to be strict but fairly hands-off (er, so to speak) as long as all seems well with him, passively spoiling him with material things rather than attentive interest otherwise, so attention was always something he turned to friends for; always had a group of friends, if not necessarily close ones, who he could impress and tell what to do, who he could hang out and sneak into R-rated movies and drink beer under the bleachers with.

And hell, what are team sports but another version of a pack? Reggie would probably be an entirely different person if not for growing up having those respective posses he could count on without feeling like he needed them (at least, no more than they needed him). He's just not built to be a Jughead Jones or a Kevin Keller, for whom solitude helped them learn how to comfortably and confidently define themselves independently of other influences, whereas Reggie is... primarily a product of his environment and a reflection of his acquaintances before he is himself. ]

You can think whatever you want. Like it literally makes no difference to me, just as long as you get that I'm not a kid.

[ He is, but, like all kids from Riverdale, one who's had to grow up pretty fast and thinks of himself as more adult in result of that. Also, he likes the way "grown-ass man" sounds describing him.

Honestly, Derek having said all that starts to make Reggie reconsider some of the secrets he's been keeping from him, because maybe if he can accept Reggie's maturity (quote unquote) he can handle hearing about some of Reggie's problems without overreacting or trying to fix the unfixable, but for the moment he only smirks mildly. ]

Deal. But dude, you're way too old for juvie-- you're going to regular-ass prison, and I dunno if I can do anything about that.