ugh STOP the only ppl allowed to call me that are ppl im either sleeping with or trying to
[ Sweet and thoughtful. How completely embarrassing... ]
i dont need u to feel sorry for me so dont of course i was happy im fine.
[ Perceived pity is one of a few things that makes him defensive (as always), and he doesn't want to invite even more of it by going into more detail; Reggie can almost never talk about Archie without making it obvious how much he loves the guy. EMBARRASSING......, ]
like i need ur help considering u dont even know anyone and also im not a drug dealer howd this suddenly become about me and not ur crappy dating instincts anyway
Oh my god, fine. You're so bad at having friends. This is why nobody likes you.
[ he'll take Reggie at face value for two or three minutes, then immediately start worrying that he's lying and that he's much sadder than he actually is. he won't bring that up, or outwardly show any pity he might feel, but he's going to stick around and keep Reg company until he's told to leave him alone.
hopefully won't break into his house in the middle of the night to check in on him, but who knows. we'll see. ]
How are you not a drug dealer? I literally had to reimburse you when you lost your supply. You know what? Doesn't matter. Moving past that. I don't have crappy dating instincts. Disgustingly, I've actually already done everything you've suggested. Mixtapes. Animals, sort of. Little things. Grunge things. So. Eat shit. I'm perfect and you're useless.
[ Break into a lonely boy's room at night at your own risk, Derek...... no, it'll probably be fine. How could it not be! ]
its not really dealing to just happen to have what ppl need and be willing to share when someone asks, d thats just called supply & demand AND being a good friend so 💁🏽♂️🖕🏽🖕🏽
[ Hmm, though...
Well, anyway, yeah. Moving past that. Also moving past that despite some obvious overlap, being bad at having friends is slightly different than being a bad friend, but to Reggie, he'd rather hear it as the latter because undermining his popularity will obviously get to him, even if it's not quite as applicable in this universe as his own. He considers himself great at having friends when they know him for a while and don't (or can't) randomly port out back home!! Nerd!! ]
ok so you've got SOME basics covered, good for u i guess what are u so worried about then have u just been trying to impress me this whole time by humble bragging about how thoughtful u are to ur barely legal bf
You obtain and then sell drugs. That is literally what a drug dealer is. You're an arguably friendly drug dealer who favors the people he knows, but you're still... Reggie, I literally can't tell if you're trying to spin this for the sake of avoiding a confession or if you actually don't realize that you're a drug dealer. This worries me. Moving on.
I wouldn't try to impress you. I don't hold your opinion high enough for that. I just... Okay, listen. I don't want to let him down. Talking to you made me feel like I'm on the right track, because I trust that you know what you're doing when it comes to this and I value you as somebody important in my life. If you're on a similar wavelength to me when it comes to gifts and shit, it means I can't be acting like too tremendous of a fuck up. Probably. Right? Right.
Ugh, wait, no, that can't be right. What am I saying? You're a tremendous fuck up. You are a tremendous fuck up in literally everything that you do. I can't believe I thought for a second that you're not a tremendous fuck up. I'm back to square one. God damn it, Reggie, you piece of shit.
i dont buy them for that tho i mean i mostly dont i just sell whatever i have left over or dont want and only when i need the money
[ IT'S A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE DEREK okay maybe it's not. Maybe Reggie is realizing this now as he's texting because he's never really had to put a hard label on what he does before, but also, a fragment of plausible deniability never hurts. Not that it could be considered all that plausible anymore. ]
also, cmon, yes u would i've seen u try to impress me ur just not usually very good at it like for example what ur doing right now? definitely not working for me
but ok look 1st of all go fuck urself 2nd of all i cant fuck up dating when im not even dating, idiot and back when i was i DIDNT fuck THAT up
[ He fucked up a few times, but he didn't fuck it up. Incredibly. Maybe he just didn't have time to. ]
like thats not why it ended so i think i deserve a little more credit, dickhead
Got it. You're a part-time drug provider. You offer a repeated service discount. You don't make your primary living off of this side job, therefore making it null and void and baaaaasically something you don't even do. Sorry for misrepresenting you. I was confused, given the fact that you've sold drugs to people I know. Dealt them, so to speak.
[ he's annoyed about Reggie saying he's incapable of impressing him, so even though he doesn't actually think he's a fuck up, he's suddenly in no rush to make him feel better about himself. whoops. ]
Given that I don't know anything about your past relationship - because you don't want to talk about it - it seems like I can only take you at your word when you say you didn't fuck it up. However, You're also stringently arguing that you're not a drug dealer. Despite dealing drugs. So. Hopefully you can see what your word is worth. Hopefully you can see the bind I'm in.
[ They're both so good at having friends. Putting each other down and withholding praise whenever you're feeling petty is what friends do, right? Yes.
For example, god, Derek's good at annoying him. Reggie will readily admit that to his face, less so than he'll ever say he's been impressed by Derek a lot more than he's been annoyed. Impressed, intimidated, entertained... so on. Things that would feel weird to actually say out loud much more than jokes at each other's expense. ]
god ur like so hung up on this drug thing fine, ok whatever u win
[ On both counts. Fine, Derek wants Reggie to talk about it, making him have to defend himself is a pretty good start. ]
we pretty much grew up as friends so fucking it up THAT badly would take like, a lot of effort but back home i know itll always be a "just friends" kind of arrangement so obviously i thought maybe as long as we were both around it could at least work out here but it didnt, end of story 🤷🏽♂️
[ It's certainly a mutual feeling. Derek wouldn't put as much time or energy into his relationship with Reggie if he didn't genuinely like the piece of shit, but he's also got a big enough chip on his shoulder that he's not going to keep telling him that. He's said it pretty openly, which is a big enough step for him to justify never ever saying it again ever forever ever. Which is absolutely not a big, sweeping decision that he's only making now because he's salty.
... but regardless, he is still worried about Redge, and Derek is basically half-bloodhound, so when he sniffs out a scrap of Reggie's feelings for his ex and sees him start to open up, he focuses on that rather than dragging out the drug thing. Or dragging out the fact that Reggie admitted defeat for maybe the first time in his life. ]
Why were you so sure that it could work out here but not at home?
[ Reggie's frustrated, but weirdly, still less so than he's been. It's a little cathartic to finally open up about his side of that relationship a bit more, the reasons why it'd meant more to him than even the people who knew about it probably assume it did, and why it's so hard to move on entirely.
Granted, he's okay with moving on. He never expected it to last -- he never expected anything to happen in the first place for a number of reasons -- and he regrets wasting so much time being reluctant to commit, and then getting so comfortable being together, when of course last was exactly what it couldn't and didn't do. He just misses Archie. Even if they never date again, he just misses him. It's lonely without people around who really know you.
It helps that they're talking about it in text where it's easy to keep up a pretense of emotional distance, but it also helps that he's talking to Derek. Reggie's not sure why it's easier than with his other friends, except that it's a less shallow friendship than most of the others-- that, and Derek has already seen Reggie at his most undignified anyway. He has nothing really to lose. ]
for one thing we're not as close back home i mean yeah we were friends and all that but not like, best friends id have to make the first move b4 the thought would even cross his mind and i know better than to take that chance even if i did it on accident like what happened here hes got a gf, so
You made a move "on accident"? That sounds like you. But - Reggie - you're no less likeable or compatible for him back home than you are here. I'm sure if you ever go home and connect with him again, you could take that chance if you really wanted to.
[ Maybe not while he's dating somebody else, sure, but Derek doesn't really understand Reggie's certainty that he and his ex could only work out here, under a specific set of circumstances. Maybe being defeatist is just a part of missing someone - or maybe he doesn't want his ex back home, he wants the ex he knew here, because this is where they fell for each other and it's not a set of feelings that can be replicated. Or maybe he doesn't want him at all? Maybe Reggie really is devoid of any meaningful pining. Hmm.
A teenage boy's heart sure is stupid. Whatever the case may be, Derek's at least sure that he has to be careful here to make sure this doesn't sound like... a pep talk, or like he pities Reggie. That'd just make him bolt. He takes a second to line up his thoughts before he hits back. ]
Not that I'm pressuring you. I'm just saying. The Reggie Mantle I know can get anyone he wants. When he's not being a tremendous fuck up, I mean. So - back to that. You fucking up. Did he dump you before he was ported out, or...?
it was right after i tried coke for the first time apparently i tried to blow him and then walked away w/out delivering so he came by later to collect and hey 🤷🏽♂️
[ Normally Reggie has no qualms sharing TMI details but it feels a little weird this time, if only because it reminds him how much Archie had been on his mind that night of the concert, too; how much the atmospheric influence led to what happened between him and Tate. He's not sure how to explain that if Derek happens to pick up on the vague similarity of circumstances.
Or maybe he'll just assuming Reggie enjoys blowjobs and get sluttier when he's high, which is also true. So. ]
its not that simple and anyway i dont like dating my friends, it gets too complicated too many ways that can go wrong
but no i didnt fuck it up we were still together then i went back home for a couple days and then he went back for good
[ Who knows what Derek thinks! Who knows. If he does see the vague similarity of circumstances connecting Reggie's ex to what happened at the concert, it leads to a spiral of paranoid, possessive anxiety that makes him unnecessarily stress out about whether or not Reggie and Tate could have ended up together if certain cards had been played differently. Which leads to another self-deprecating spiral in which he starts to panic about whether or not he's actually good enough to be with Tate or if he should be with someone closer to his own age, after all. His train of thought careens violently onto another track, in which he starts to worry about whether or not he's a toxic influence on Reggie by talking to him about relationships when he's clearly got a ton of baggage related to his ex on his shoulders, which leads further into a selfish, over the top and unnecessarily long series of berating insults Derek mentally directs at himself that each cover why he's a bad dude who offers no positive influence to the lives of anybody he cares about and that he's always on the edge of being replaceable.
But that's only "if", because there's every possibility he only says "oh" because he's suddenly reminded of the fact that he absolutely sucked Reggie's dick that one time. Whooooo knows. ]
Can't say I've ever dated a friend, either. Even Tate only started out as someone I wanted to bite, so.
[ Weird thing to say, but. ]
I won't say I'm sorry for what you went through, because I know you'll cry and piss your pants if I do, but. That really does suck. What'd you like about him, exactly? Am I gonna get a name out of this, or do I just have to keep calling him "him" and "your ex"?
[ If Derek let on at all about that particular anxiety, Reggie would be the first to assure him that in no universe would he ever want to date Tate; he'd wanted to distract himself, distract both of them from the echoes of their exes haunting the woods that night, and of course one of the first moves he always makes when he's high is with his mouth.
But since Derek doesn't, Reggie doesn't either. He certainly wouldn't complain if all that confession put in Derek's head was memories or ideas of their own sordid dalliance. Or hypothetical others. ]
well i'll admit it didnt work out as badly as i thought it might as long as it doesnt ruin the friendship i guess but then theres still no guarantees if and after u break up what makes u wanna bite someone anyway like is it just instinct or there something else to it
[ ... He's not sure why he asked that, or why he wants to know. Just does, though. ]
archie idk hes kind of an idiot but hes a good person one of the best guys i know tbh we play football together, generally have each others backs yknow and hes jacked to hell too. like washboard abs thick arms the whole package
[ Not that it matters. Not that he cares? Sixteen year old Derek might have cared, but present day Derek sure as shit doesn't. So. Wow, he's annoyed at the idea that someone out there might have bigger arms than him. He takes any other immature, competitive thoughts he might have had out behind the family shed and puts them down along with the rest of his stupid Alpha bullshit. Speaking of which - ]
Nevermind. First, regarding the bite - it's partially an instinct, partially personal. Turning someone into a werewolf is like making them a part of your family, but even more intimate. It's something any Alpha werewolf longs to do. Furthermore, wolves are pack animals. Being alone is essentially a death sentence. Having more pack to control your territory and to support you is the key to feeling any sense of security. So. The longer I go without having a pack of my own, the more problems it causes for me.
[ But he's not going to get into that. Doubt Reggie gives that much of a shit about dog-man biology or dog-man culture, honestly. ]
Regarding dating someone you're friends with - You don't think there's merit in crossing that line with someone you already know you're compatible with? Seems like risking a friendship might be worth it.
idk maybe about the same? my hand only fits about a third of the way around his bicep
[ Probably not, but Reggie says it like that anyway just to get on Derek's nerves. Because friendship, that's why!! ]
so it sounds like its not really an "only started out as" kind of thing to begin with but whats stopping u anyway like i know a thing or 2 about pack mentalities. nothing wrong w/ having ppl there to get ur back and vice versa even my football team was like that
[ Something he misses, too; the Bulldogs are his friends, his fam, and maybe they're not werewolves, but not having them here as back-up, to laugh at his jokes and high-five and slap-ass and nod along to anything he tells them to do... well, it's similarly lonely. Someone like Reggie needs an entourage, all popular kids do or they're just like everybody else.
Anyway, he pauses typing as they veer close to the real crux of his hesitation; whether exposing his attraction would ruin the friendship, or if it'd be the presumably inevitable (and presumably ugly) break-up that did it. He still doesn't love thinking about it, let alone talking about it, but. Maybe that's what he needs to do to better avoid such concerns in the future. ]
idk i guess it can be my relationships arent exactly known for lasting tho back home i dont rly talk to exes, seeing as one of us usually wants nothing to do w/ the other but itd suck if that went down w/ someone i actually liked
[ Whoops! Like a decaying zombie crawling out of the grave, Derek's hardcoded desires to be the very best and strongest dude rears its ugly head. In a haze of irritated, damaged pride, he starts writing out "reggie, i need you to come over so you can compare our bodies, i need to know if he's bigger than me" before he realizes what that sounds like and immediately screeches to a halt. You know what? Doesn't matter. None of this matters. His priorities have gotten way off track. ]
Sorry.
The bite can kill. The bite has killed. Both here and back home. I know people just revive around here, but - people change when they experience death. It's not something I'm willing to risk. And - I mean - Even if that wasn't a risk, most people aren't willing to be mauled by a guy with big teeth. Present company excluded. Blowjob joke.
[ So, yeah, he'd remembered the car. Pressing on. ]
That makes sense. Sounds lonely and shortsighted, but it makes sense. Go ahead and ask.
hey u asked but i can still compare ur dick sizes too if u want
[ Sometimes Reggie can't help but try to provoke a reaction, for no other reason than he's bored, or angry and petty, or "just cuz." This could be any of those, but it's leaning mostly toward the latter. He finds it funny, is all.
There's another mild pause, while Reggie considers that he's not sure he knows anyone that's died and come back. Not that he knows of, anyway, so certainly not that he'd noticed any change in. ]
well yeah obviously, if ur like ripping ppls throats open when u do it did u ever think about biting me i know u did back then but what about before or after
[ Another pause, longer this time, as he braces himself. This is a dilemma that's existed since like, February. ]
ok so veronica doesnt know about it i havent told her cuz like, she and archie were friends before she and i really were plus shes from like, the 80s but thats fine right like its not something she ever needs to know im not obligated, right
Oh, you will? Sure, okay. Go ahead. Do it, you coward.
[ He's fully expecting Reggie to tell him that he's got a tiny dick and that Archie's is twelve feet long, but hey, if he wants to start a fight, Derek'll play. A stupid fight over petty bullshit that neither of them take all that seriously is probably better than letting this conversation head too deeply into sad werewolf talk or sad ex talk.
Though - he still has to give those topics their due attention. ]
I've thought about biting you. It's not something I'm offering to you, but it would be a lie to say I haven't thought about it. But I've also thought about ripping your throat out, too, so take this with a due amount of salt. Why do you ask?
Aaaaaaas for Veronica... I guess it depends on a couple of things, honestly? For instance - was Archie keeping you a secret from her while you were dating? Or... did it just never come up?
be patient itll take me a sec to summon up the memories its not actually that easy w/out like, a side by side comparison what i will say tho is that i wish hed ever used his like u did i mean... well n/m
[ This line of trolling is going a bit too far now, perhaps. Hm. ]
but idk just curious i guess maybe i like hearing about ur weird werewolf culture sometimes its interesting
& if i had to guess then id say probably the latter my boys earnest to like, a fault like if hed had his way everyone wouldve known kinda earnest
That doesn't surprise me. You were pretty into it.
[ Curiosity sated? He'd remind Reggie that he has a boyfriend if he felt like Reggie was serious with this, but he's gotten kind of used to Reggie's flirting and doesn't pay attention to it quite so much anymore. Derek's mostly just surprised that Reggie didn't take the opportunity to insult him, and other than feeling sorry for the dude for only ever having experienced his dong when he was 16 and inexperienced, Derek takes the lack of burns against him as a sign that Reggie's starting to feel a little better.
Kind of proud of himself for cheering him up a bit. ]
But, well... if you have any questions about werewolf stuff, either now or in the future, I'm happy to answer them. Presuming you don't ask me something like "what would be the best way to kill you", because I would sooner tear out your veins and floss with them than trust you with information like that. No offense. Some offense. Hope the bite thing didn't freak you out, too.
But, okay. I think - it's not really her business to know about any exes you don't want to talk about. Even if she was friends with one of them. There's nothing wrong with keeping some things close to your chest? But. I mean, if Archie wouldn't have minded people knowing, then... is this really something you feel like you have to hide? You mentioned that she was from the '80s - you don't think she would take it the wrong way that you've been with another guy, do you?
[ It's not really meant to be serious flirting anymore anyway; Reggie is like this (granted, to varying extents) with almost all his male friends, but most of them never actually catch onto the fact that it is flirting.
Obviously a little less true here, though, especially these days. But people he's actually fooled around with would be exceptions regardless.
He is feeling a little better. If nothing else, talking to someone about anything helps him not stew angrily and alone-- but as usual, talking with Derek especially always makes Reggie rediscover the benefits of actually venting difficult emotional clutter all over again. Weird how getting things off your chest makes you feel better, sometimes? Fucked up if true. ]
why would it freak me out & why would i want to kill u believe it or not murder is not actually something i fantasize about a lot or yknow, like, ever.
[ Unlike SOME PEOPLE YOU HANG OUT WITH, DEREK... he doesn't say. But y'know. Subtext.
Ugh. He's reminded again why he's done nothing about this situation for this long; talking about sexuality of all things, at least like this, makes him feel like he's going to break out into hives. Reggie's not really subtle about being attracted to guys, but somehow, to him that's still different than being open about dating guys. It's... he doesn't know. Complicated. ]
no i dont really think it is either hooking up w/ friends of friends is already weird enough, let alone ur exes friends last thing i need is to give veronica more excuses to wanna bail
[
He decides that last point covers all necessary bases; his argument (somewhat weak though it may be), and Derek's question. The other argument. ]
Werewolves are monsters. Categorically. You literally just asked a monster if he ever thought about biting you and turning you into a monster, and he said yes. That doesn't freak out out? Even a little?
[ He catches the subtext, but, thankfully, he lets it go without-- ]
Tate doesn't fantasize about murder half as often as I do. So, first of all, eat shit.
[ --comment. ]
Second of all - again - monster. People always want to kill me. Let's talk less about that. More about Veronica. I think lying about it isn't the best idea. If she asks you point blank who you've been with and you dodge the answer or explicitly say you and Archie were never a thing, that's just going to bite you in the ass. If you're uncomfortable telling her, though, I don't think you're obligated to. I do think it's a problem if somebody you like makes you feel ashamed or embarrassed or awkward about who you've been with in the past, and I think that if she's a cool person, she won't care about your history. But. Relationships are hard, I don't know. I've only had three. Well, four, according to a guy from home who came here ahead of me. All of them have been hell, bar this one.
So... Did she and Archie bone? Is that what this is really about?
please even in ur dreams u wouldnt be good enough for my mom
& wow what a sweet thing to have in common how do u know i wasnt talking about both of u still doesnt really freak me out that much tho, no idk dude ive kinda always liked werewolves
[ Because Bulldogs, like wolves, support the alph-- well, anyway. ]
she is a cool person but idk i mean we all know what the 80s were like and i sure as hell wouldnt know how to explain any of it
[ Reggie's pretty unfamiliar with the vernacular and terminology and general community conversations, as a lot of not-totally-out small town kids might be. He feels a little separate from that world. To him he tries to focus more on what he wants and to feel out when and where he can act on those wants, rather than what it says about him as an identity. He has too strong a dislike for being an "other." ]
what no i mean i dont think anything ever happened but even if it did thats not why i want her if thats what ur implying
I've had a lot of dreams about your mom. She always seemed pretty satisfied to me.
[ Reggie says I've kinda always liked werewolves so casually and so unemotionally that Derek knows he doesn't realize how much of an impact a statement like that has on him, someone who grew up in fear and always had to deal with this innate understanding that he was reviled. It wasn't until he came here and met new people that he realized that wasn't totally the case, and, well. Again, he gets that Reggie didn't mean anything by it, so he's not gonna make a deal of it, but.
It kind of is a big deal. Makes his chest stir. Makes him feel better about himself in a way he never did back home. It's not the first time that he hopes he's being a good enough friend for this stupid kid, but he's gonna try a little harder to help with this Veronica thing. ]
That wasn't what I was implying. Sorry.
I think the bottom line is... you shouldn't feel afraid to be open with her, but if talking about it makes you uncomfortable, don't rush to do it. You're a catch. She'll like you even if you did have a thing with her old friend, once upon a time. That's not a big enough deal breaker for her to go running. And if it was, well - you're tough. You'll bounce back, find someone better for you.
only cuz u havent met her my moms not exactly easy to please
[ The eternal plight of the mama's boy. Albeit in a different... way.
Anyway. Although vampires and zombies can be cool, too, werewolves have always been his fictional monster of choice-- so Reggie's kind of appreciated being able to get to know and get along with a real one here. Maybe part of that has been bias talking, but he doesn't think so. They get along because they're just compatible that way; they'd either be friends or unable to stand each other, with the middle ground being "or sometimes both." ]
stop apologizing i know im a catch but these things still happen but i guess it did work out ok for u tho huh
no subject
the only ppl allowed to call me that are ppl im either sleeping with or trying to
[ Sweet and thoughtful. How completely embarrassing... ]
i dont need u to feel sorry for me so dont
of course i was happy
im fine.
[ Perceived pity is one of a few things that makes him defensive (as always), and he doesn't want to invite even more of it by going into more detail; Reggie can almost never talk about Archie without making it obvious how much he loves the guy. EMBARRASSING......, ]
like i need ur help
considering u dont even know anyone
and also im not a drug dealer
howd this suddenly become about me and not ur crappy dating instincts anyway
no subject
You're so bad at having friends. This is why nobody likes you.
[ he'll take Reggie at face value for two or three minutes, then immediately start worrying that he's lying and that he's much sadder than he actually is. he won't bring that up, or outwardly show any pity he might feel, but he's going to stick around and keep Reg company until he's told to leave him alone.
hopefully won't break into his house in the middle of the night to check in on him, but who knows. we'll see. ]
How are you not a drug dealer? I literally had to reimburse you when you lost your supply.
You know what? Doesn't matter. Moving past that.
I don't have crappy dating instincts. Disgustingly, I've actually already done everything you've suggested. Mixtapes. Animals, sort of. Little things. Grunge things.
So.
Eat shit. I'm perfect and you're useless.
no subject
its not really dealing to just happen to have what ppl need and be willing to share when someone asks, d
thats just called supply & demand
AND being a good friend
so 💁🏽♂️🖕🏽🖕🏽
[ Hmm, though...
Well, anyway, yeah. Moving past that. Also moving past that despite some obvious overlap, being bad at having friends is slightly different than being a bad friend, but to Reggie, he'd rather hear it as the latter because undermining his popularity will obviously get to him, even if it's not quite as applicable in this universe as his own. He considers himself great at having friends when they know him for a while and don't (or can't) randomly port out back home!! Nerd!! ]
ok so you've got SOME basics covered, good for u i guess
what are u so worried about then
have u just been trying to impress me this whole time by humble bragging about how thoughtful u are to ur barely legal bf
no subject
You're an arguably friendly drug dealer who favors the people he knows, but you're still...
Reggie, I literally can't tell if you're trying to spin this for the sake of avoiding a confession or if you actually don't realize that you're a drug dealer.
This worries me. Moving on.
I wouldn't try to impress you. I don't hold your opinion high enough for that.
I just...
Okay, listen. I don't want to let him down. Talking to you made me feel like I'm on the right track, because I trust that you know what you're doing when it comes to this and I value you as somebody important in my life. If you're on a similar wavelength to me when it comes to gifts and shit, it means I can't be acting like too tremendous of a fuck up.
Probably.
Right?
Right.
Ugh, wait, no, that can't be right. What am I saying? You're a tremendous fuck up. You are a tremendous fuck up in literally everything that you do. I can't believe I thought for a second that you're not a tremendous fuck up.
I'm back to square one.
God damn it, Reggie, you piece of shit.
no subject
i mean i mostly dont
i just sell whatever i have left over or dont want
and only when i need the money
[ IT'S A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE DEREK okay maybe it's not. Maybe Reggie is realizing this now as he's texting because he's never really had to put a hard label on what he does before, but also, a fragment of plausible deniability never hurts. Not that it could be considered all that plausible anymore. ]
also, cmon, yes u would
i've seen u try to impress me ur just not usually very good at it
like for example what ur doing right now? definitely not working for me
but ok look
1st of all go fuck urself
2nd of all i cant fuck up dating when im not even dating, idiot
and back when i was i DIDNT fuck THAT up
[ He fucked up a few times, but he didn't fuck it up. Incredibly. Maybe he just didn't have time to. ]
like thats not why it ended
so i think i deserve a little more credit, dickhead
no subject
You're a part-time drug provider. You offer a repeated service discount. You don't make your primary living off of this side job, therefore making it null and void and baaaaasically something you don't even do.
Sorry for misrepresenting you. I was confused, given the fact that you've sold drugs to people I know. Dealt them, so to speak.
[ he's annoyed about Reggie saying he's incapable of impressing him, so even though he doesn't actually think he's a fuck up, he's suddenly in no rush to make him feel better about himself. whoops. ]
Given that I don't know anything about your past relationship - because you don't want to talk about it - it seems like I can only take you at your word when you say you didn't fuck it up.
However,
You're also stringently arguing that you're not a drug dealer.
Despite dealing drugs.
So.
Hopefully you can see what your word is worth. Hopefully you can see the bind I'm in.
no subject
For example, god, Derek's good at annoying him. Reggie will readily admit that to his face, less so than he'll ever say he's been impressed by Derek a lot more than he's been annoyed. Impressed, intimidated, entertained... so on. Things that would feel weird to actually say out loud much more than jokes at each other's expense. ]
god ur like so hung up on this drug thing
fine, ok
whatever
u win
[ On both counts. Fine, Derek wants Reggie to talk about it, making him have to defend himself is a pretty good start. ]
we pretty much grew up as friends so fucking it up THAT badly would take like, a lot of effort
but back home i know itll always be a "just friends" kind of arrangement so obviously i thought maybe as long as we were both around it could at least work out here
but it didnt, end of story 🤷🏽♂️
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... but regardless, he is still worried about Redge, and Derek is basically half-bloodhound, so when he sniffs out a scrap of Reggie's feelings for his ex and sees him start to open up, he focuses on that rather than dragging out the drug thing. Or dragging out the fact that Reggie admitted defeat for maybe the first time in his life. ]
Why were you so sure that it could work out here but not at home?
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Granted, he's okay with moving on. He never expected it to last -- he never expected anything to happen in the first place for a number of reasons -- and he regrets wasting so much time being reluctant to commit, and then getting so comfortable being together, when of course last was exactly what it couldn't and didn't do. He just misses Archie. Even if they never date again, he just misses him. It's lonely without people around who really know you.
It helps that they're talking about it in text where it's easy to keep up a pretense of emotional distance, but it also helps that he's talking to Derek. Reggie's not sure why it's easier than with his other friends, except that it's a less shallow friendship than most of the others-- that, and Derek has already seen Reggie at his most undignified anyway. He has nothing really to lose. ]
for one thing we're not as close back home
i mean yeah we were friends and all that but not like, best friends
id have to make the first move b4 the thought would even cross his mind and i know better than to take that chance
even if i did it on accident like what happened here hes got a gf, so
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But - Reggie - you're no less likeable or compatible for him back home than you are here.
I'm sure if you ever go home and connect with him again, you could take that chance if you really wanted to.
[ Maybe not while he's dating somebody else, sure, but Derek doesn't really understand Reggie's certainty that he and his ex could only work out here, under a specific set of circumstances. Maybe being defeatist is just a part of missing someone - or maybe he doesn't want his ex back home, he wants the ex he knew here, because this is where they fell for each other and it's not a set of feelings that can be replicated. Or maybe he doesn't want him at all? Maybe Reggie really is devoid of any meaningful pining. Hmm.
A teenage boy's heart sure is stupid. Whatever the case may be, Derek's at least sure that he has to be careful here to make sure this doesn't sound like... a pep talk, or like he pities Reggie. That'd just make him bolt. He takes a second to line up his thoughts before he hits back. ]
Not that I'm pressuring you. I'm just saying.
The Reggie Mantle I know can get anyone he wants. When he's not being a tremendous fuck up, I mean.
So - back to that. You fucking up.
Did he dump you before he was ported out, or...?
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apparently i tried to blow him and then walked away w/out delivering
so he came by later to collect and hey 🤷🏽♂️
[ Normally Reggie has no qualms sharing TMI details but it feels a little weird this time, if only because it reminds him how much Archie had been on his mind that night of the concert, too; how much the atmospheric influence led to what happened between him and Tate. He's not sure how to explain that if Derek happens to pick up on the vague similarity of circumstances.
Or maybe he'll just assuming Reggie enjoys blowjobs and get sluttier when he's high, which is also true. So. ]
its not that simple
and anyway i dont like dating my friends, it gets too complicated
too many ways that can go wrong
but no i didnt fuck it up
we were still together
then i went back home for a couple days and then he went back for good
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[ Who knows what Derek thinks! Who knows. If he does see the vague similarity of circumstances connecting Reggie's ex to what happened at the concert, it leads to a spiral of paranoid, possessive anxiety that makes him unnecessarily stress out about whether or not Reggie and Tate could have ended up together if certain cards had been played differently. Which leads to another self-deprecating spiral in which he starts to panic about whether or not he's actually good enough to be with Tate or if he should be with someone closer to his own age, after all. His train of thought careens violently onto another track, in which he starts to worry about whether or not he's a toxic influence on Reggie by talking to him about relationships when he's clearly got a ton of baggage related to his ex on his shoulders, which leads further into a selfish, over the top and unnecessarily long series of berating insults Derek mentally directs at himself that each cover why he's a bad dude who offers no positive influence to the lives of anybody he cares about and that he's always on the edge of being replaceable.
But that's only "if", because there's every possibility he only says "oh" because he's suddenly reminded of the fact that he absolutely sucked Reggie's dick that one time. Whooooo knows. ]
Can't say I've ever dated a friend, either. Even Tate only started out as someone I wanted to bite, so.
[ Weird thing to say, but. ]
I won't say I'm sorry for what you went through, because I know you'll cry and piss your pants if I do, but. That really does suck.
What'd you like about him, exactly? Am I gonna get a name out of this, or do I just have to keep calling him "him" and "your ex"?
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But since Derek doesn't, Reggie doesn't either. He certainly wouldn't complain if all that confession put in Derek's head was memories or ideas of their own sordid dalliance. Or hypothetical others. ]
well i'll admit it didnt work out as badly as i thought it might
as long as it doesnt ruin the friendship i guess
but then theres still no guarantees if and after u break up
what makes u wanna bite someone anyway like is it just instinct or there something else to it
[ ... He's not sure why he asked that, or why he wants to know. Just does, though. ]
archie
idk hes kind of an idiot but hes a good person
one of the best guys i know tbh
we play football together, generally have each others backs yknow
and hes jacked to hell too. like washboard abs thick arms the whole package
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[ Not that it matters. Not that he cares? Sixteen year old Derek might have cared, but present day Derek sure as shit doesn't. So. Wow, he's annoyed at the idea that someone out there might have bigger arms than him. He takes any other immature, competitive thoughts he might have had out behind the family shed and puts them down along with the rest of his stupid Alpha bullshit. Speaking of which - ]
Nevermind. First, regarding the bite - it's partially an instinct, partially personal.
Turning someone into a werewolf is like making them a part of your family, but even more intimate. It's something any Alpha werewolf longs to do.
Furthermore, wolves are pack animals. Being alone is essentially a death sentence. Having more pack to control your territory and to support you is the key to feeling any sense of security. So.
The longer I go without having a pack of my own, the more problems it causes for me.
[ But he's not going to get into that. Doubt Reggie gives that much of a shit about dog-man biology or dog-man culture, honestly. ]
Regarding dating someone you're friends with -
You don't think there's merit in crossing that line with someone you already know you're compatible with?
Seems like risking a friendship might be worth it.
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maybe about the same?
my hand only fits about a third of the way around his bicep
[ Probably not, but Reggie says it like that anyway just to get on Derek's nerves. Because friendship, that's why!! ]
so it sounds like its not really an "only started out as" kind of thing to begin with
but whats stopping u anyway
like i know a thing or 2 about pack mentalities. nothing wrong w/ having ppl there to get ur back and vice versa
even my football team was like that
[ Something he misses, too; the Bulldogs are his friends, his fam, and maybe they're not werewolves, but not having them here as back-up, to laugh at his jokes and high-five and slap-ass and nod along to anything he tells them to do... well, it's similarly lonely. Someone like Reggie needs an entourage, all popular kids do or they're just like everybody else.
Anyway, he pauses typing as they veer close to the real crux of his hesitation; whether exposing his attraction would ruin the friendship, or if it'd be the presumably inevitable (and presumably ugly) break-up that did it. He still doesn't love thinking about it, let alone talking about it, but. Maybe that's what he needs to do to better avoid such concerns in the future. ]
idk i guess it can be
my relationships arent exactly known for lasting tho
back home i dont rly talk to exes, seeing as one of us usually wants nothing to do w/ the other
but itd suck if that went down w/ someone i actually liked
hey speaking of can i ask u something
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[ Whoops! Like a decaying zombie crawling out of the grave, Derek's hardcoded desires to be the very best and strongest dude rears its ugly head. In a haze of irritated, damaged pride, he starts writing out "reggie, i need you to come over so you can compare our bodies, i need to know if he's bigger than me" before he realizes what that sounds like and immediately screeches to a halt. You know what? Doesn't matter. None of this matters. His priorities have gotten way off track. ]
Sorry.
The bite can kill. The bite has killed. Both here and back home.
I know people just revive around here, but - people change when they experience death. It's not something I'm willing to risk.
And - I mean -
Even if that wasn't a risk, most people aren't willing to be mauled by a guy with big teeth. Present company excluded.
Blowjob joke.
[ So, yeah, he'd remembered the car. Pressing on. ]
That makes sense. Sounds lonely and shortsighted, but it makes sense.
Go ahead and ask.
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but i can still compare ur dick sizes too if u want
[ Sometimes Reggie can't help but try to provoke a reaction, for no other reason than he's bored, or angry and petty, or "just cuz." This could be any of those, but it's leaning mostly toward the latter. He finds it funny, is all.
There's another mild pause, while Reggie considers that he's not sure he knows anyone that's died and come back. Not that he knows of, anyway, so certainly not that he'd noticed any change in. ]
well yeah obviously, if ur like ripping ppls throats open when u do it
did u ever think about biting me
i know u did back then but what about before or after
[ Another pause, longer this time, as he braces himself. This is a dilemma that's existed since like, February. ]
ok so veronica doesnt know about it
i havent told her cuz like, she and archie were friends before she and i really were
plus shes from like, the 80s
but thats fine right
like
its not something she ever needs to know im not obligated, right
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Do it, you coward.
[ He's fully expecting Reggie to tell him that he's got a tiny dick and that Archie's is twelve feet long, but hey, if he wants to start a fight, Derek'll play. A stupid fight over petty bullshit that neither of them take all that seriously is probably better than letting this conversation head too deeply into sad werewolf talk or sad ex talk.
Though - he still has to give those topics their due attention. ]
I've thought about biting you.
It's not something I'm offering to you, but it would be a lie to say I haven't thought about it.
But I've also thought about ripping your throat out, too, so take this with a due amount of salt.
Why do you ask?
Aaaaaaas for Veronica...
I guess it depends on a couple of things, honestly?
For instance - was Archie keeping you a secret from her while you were dating? Or... did it just never come up?
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its not actually that easy w/out like, a side by side comparison
what i will say tho is that i wish hed ever used his like u did
i mean... well n/m
[ This line of trolling is going a bit too far now, perhaps. Hm. ]
but idk just curious i guess
maybe i like hearing about ur weird werewolf culture sometimes
its interesting
& if i had to guess then id say probably the latter
my boys earnest to like, a fault
like if hed had his way everyone wouldve known kinda earnest
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[ Curiosity sated? He'd remind Reggie that he has a boyfriend if he felt like Reggie was serious with this, but he's gotten kind of used to Reggie's flirting and doesn't pay attention to it quite so much anymore. Derek's mostly just surprised that Reggie didn't take the opportunity to insult him, and other than feeling sorry for the dude for only ever having experienced his dong when he was 16 and inexperienced, Derek takes the lack of burns against him as a sign that Reggie's starting to feel a little better.
Kind of proud of himself for cheering him up a bit. ]
But, well... if you have any questions about werewolf stuff, either now or in the future, I'm happy to answer them. Presuming you don't ask me something like "what would be the best way to kill you", because I would sooner tear out your veins and floss with them than trust you with information like that.
No offense.
Some offense.
Hope the bite thing didn't freak you out, too.
But, okay.
I think - it's not really her business to know about any exes you don't want to talk about. Even if she was friends with one of them.
There's nothing wrong with keeping some things close to your chest? But.
I mean, if Archie wouldn't have minded people knowing, then... is this really something you feel like you have to hide?
You mentioned that she was from the '80s - you don't think she would take it the wrong way that you've been with another guy, do you?
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[ It's not really meant to be serious flirting anymore anyway; Reggie is like this (granted, to varying extents) with almost all his male friends, but most of them never actually catch onto the fact that it is flirting.
Obviously a little less true here, though, especially these days. But people he's actually fooled around with would be exceptions regardless.
He is feeling a little better. If nothing else, talking to someone about anything helps him not stew angrily and alone-- but as usual, talking with Derek especially always makes Reggie rediscover the benefits of actually venting difficult emotional clutter all over again. Weird how getting things off your chest makes you feel better, sometimes? Fucked up if true. ]
why would it freak me out
& why would i want to kill u
believe it or not murder is not actually something i fantasize about a lot
or yknow, like, ever.
[ Unlike SOME PEOPLE YOU HANG OUT WITH, DEREK... he doesn't say. But y'know. Subtext.
Ugh. He's reminded again why he's done nothing about this situation for this long; talking about sexuality of all things, at least like this, makes him feel like he's going to break out into hives. Reggie's not really subtle about being attracted to guys, but somehow, to him that's still different than being open about dating guys. It's... he doesn't know. Complicated. ]
no i dont really think it is either
hooking up w/ friends of friends is already weird enough, let alone ur exes friends
last thing i need is to give veronica more excuses to wanna bail
[
He decides that last point covers all necessary bases; his argument (somewhat weak though it may be), and Derek's question. The other argument. ]
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Werewolves are monsters. Categorically.
You literally just asked a monster if he ever thought about biting you and turning you into a monster, and he said yes.
That doesn't freak out out? Even a little?
[ He catches the subtext, but, thankfully, he lets it go without-- ]
Tate doesn't fantasize about murder half as often as I do. So, first of all, eat shit.
[ --comment. ]
Second of all - again - monster. People always want to kill me.
Let's talk less about that. More about Veronica.
I think lying about it isn't the best idea. If she asks you point blank who you've been with and you dodge the answer or explicitly say you and Archie were never a thing, that's just going to bite you in the ass.
If you're uncomfortable telling her, though, I don't think you're obligated to.
I do think it's a problem if somebody you like makes you feel ashamed or embarrassed or awkward about who you've been with in the past, and I think that if she's a cool person, she won't care about your history.
But.
Relationships are hard, I don't know. I've only had three. Well, four, according to a guy from home who came here ahead of me. All of them have been hell, bar this one.
So...
Did she and Archie bone? Is that what this is really about?
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even in ur dreams u wouldnt be good enough for my mom
& wow what a sweet thing to have in common
how do u know i wasnt talking about both of u
still doesnt really freak me out that much tho, no
idk dude ive kinda always liked werewolves
[ Because Bulldogs, like wolves, support the alph-- well, anyway. ]
she is a cool person
but idk i mean we all know what the 80s were like
and i sure as hell wouldnt know how to explain any of it
[ Reggie's pretty unfamiliar with the vernacular and terminology and general community conversations, as a lot of not-totally-out small town kids might be. He feels a little separate from that world. To him he tries to focus more on what he wants and to feel out when and where he can act on those wants, rather than what it says about him as an identity. He has too strong a dislike for being an "other." ]
what
no
i mean i dont think anything ever happened but
even if it did thats not why i want her if thats what ur implying
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[ Reggie says I've kinda always liked werewolves so casually and so unemotionally that Derek knows he doesn't realize how much of an impact a statement like that has on him, someone who grew up in fear and always had to deal with this innate understanding that he was reviled. It wasn't until he came here and met new people that he realized that wasn't totally the case, and, well. Again, he gets that Reggie didn't mean anything by it, so he's not gonna make a deal of it, but.
It kind of is a big deal. Makes his chest stir. Makes him feel better about himself in a way he never did back home. It's not the first time that he hopes he's being a good enough friend for this stupid kid, but he's gonna try a little harder to help with this Veronica thing. ]
That wasn't what I was implying. Sorry.
I think the bottom line is... you shouldn't feel afraid to be open with her, but if talking about it makes you uncomfortable, don't rush to do it.
You're a catch. She'll like you even if you did have a thing with her old friend, once upon a time. That's not a big enough deal breaker for her to go running.
And if it was, well - you're tough. You'll bounce back, find someone better for you.
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my moms not exactly easy to please
[ The eternal plight of the mama's boy. Albeit in a different... way.
Anyway. Although vampires and zombies can be cool, too, werewolves have always been his fictional monster of choice-- so Reggie's kind of appreciated being able to get to know and get along with a real one here. Maybe part of that has been bias talking, but he doesn't think so. They get along because they're just compatible that way; they'd either be friends or unable to stand each other, with the middle ground being "or sometimes both." ]
stop apologizing
i know im a catch but these things still happen
but i guess it did work out ok for u tho huh
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